It’s easy to focus on the “tricks” or downsides of divorce only because that is usually what people focus on and talk about, whether inside or outside of the divorce. The money spent on lawyers…or the time spent getting divorce…or both. The paperwork. The loss of assets. The fighting. The splitting of custody. The kids’ heartaches. Your heartaches. Your spouse’s heartaches. The drama.
People tend to focus on all the sh*tshow aspects of divorce that make it like a soap opera because it can be that devastating and for the “outsiders” who aren’t getting the actual divorce, it’s fodder for gossip.
That said, so rarely do people dish and share all the “treats” of divorce. And for those people who do enjoy such treats, there may be a guilt factor like, “Why am I not mourning this?” or “Why am I so happy now?”
Well, you wouldn’t be getting a divorce if your marriage was sunshine and kittens, now would you?
There is nothing wrong with enjoying the treats of your divorce. If you didn’t, all the divorce drama would be for nothing, and what would be the point then? Owning your happiness is key to moving on after divorce.
Trust me, there is no shame in being happy after divorce. There is only shame in refusing to grow as a person or letting your “bitter” eat you alive!
After enduring a bad marriage, there is no better treat from divorce than your own peaceful home! How awesome is it to come home to your place…that is run how you want it run. That looks how you want it. That is completely peaceful and yours.
This is one of the best treats of divorce, period.
When you have your own place after divorce, it’s like being the Queen of your kingdom. It’s like someone just aired out all the bad karma and negativity. It’s one big major spring-cleaning like no other. Bask in that, girl!
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And yes, you can add “having sex” again to this little diddy.
Even if your thoughts are far from dating and sex, releasing a dead marriage is like getting rid of a rotting body bag from your car! And no—I don’t have any experience with that, in real life. Wink.
But when you get rid of that dead relationship, you can start to feel recharged. Most likely, you and your former spouse weren’t “doing it” and if you were, it wasn’t as frequent. You didn’t feel as appreciated. And let’s face it: now that you’re single whether you’re ready for a sexy party or not, you want to look the part. You’re dressing better. You put on a little makeup. You might wear sexy lingerie under your clothes. You might be wearing sexier clothes.
Whatever the case may be, this is one of the treats of divorce: getting your sexy back, literally!
And let’s not forget: having sex again!
Sure, you may have been fairly active with your ex and at times, the sex may have been great, but most likely the sex wasn’t all that. Now, you get to have your cake the way you want it! You get to go out there and explore monogamy again or perhaps, playing the field and being wild. It’s your life fully again, so you decide!
Hey, hey hey! It’s YOU again. Remember her?
I bet you all the money in the world that you weren’t being yourself around your partner. You couldn’t be. You were too stressed, too down or too burdened by the bad marriage to comfortably be yourself.
Now that all is said and done, it’s the You Show again!
You get to be yourself. Your quirks your partner hated? They’re back. The things you liked to enjoy? They’re back—and without any nasty commentary from the former “peanut gallery” known as your ex.
Man, it’s really hard to parent with a person you are arguing with constantly…or who hurt you deeply. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t challenges in co-parenting, if you are doing so.
It just means that when the kids are with you, even if it’s all the time, you get to parent without the pressure of the toxic marriage in the household.
It is a great treat, and one that you shouldn’t forget while you’re dealing with the “tricks” of divorce such as, sharing your kids or missing holidays with them.
Yes, as single moms time is not on our side. We are busy people.
But when we say “Ciao” to the old marriage, we get to say hello to meeting new people, including ourselves!
We get to:
Truly, the greatest treat of divorce is discovery and renewal as they go together.
As you discover more about yourself and more about others, you renew who you are, where you are going and who you are going where with!
This is a huge blessing and gift of divorce. In all the financial struggles of which I have had numerous. In all of the times I have spent feeling alone. In all of the times in which I have felt torn between providing for my child and being home for her…the one blessing that always reminds me why divorce was important for both myself and my ex, was the freedom.
I needed to be free to start and create the life I was meant to have. We were meant to meet to learn life lessons, to grow and to have our daughter. This I am sure of. I know I am a different person today than I was when I got married.
So that freedom of being able to take back the driver’s seat of my life is one that I will never forget or take for granted.
So, while you’re diving into your kid’s or kids’ Halloween bags full of goodies and feeling utterly exhausted from the day of trick-or-treating, consider all the treats divorce has given you. While it most certainly has given you some major scares and gotten you into hairy predicaments and spidery-tangles, (see what I am doing here?) it’s also given you another chance to ride your broom the way you want to, in all your witchy glory.
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