So, are you newly single and have a license to get back out there? If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, the prospect of dating can be downright terrifying!What if you end up in another bad situation? What if no one likes you? What if you don’t find anyone you’re interested in being with? How the heck do you even get started?First of all, let me shout it from the rooftops that you don’t have to date! You don’t even need to be in a relationship to be happy!That’s right. You shouldn’t look outside of yourself to find happiness or contentment with your life. This does not mean that being in a quality relationship can’t be a source of happiness or enjoyment; but, the path to personal satisfaction and love starts within yourself.If you’re fresh from a break-up or a divorce, you may have sentimental longings for the elements of companionship you had in your partnership. Every break-up situation is different, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and speculate that there were also some negative aspects of your relationship- at least enough to send you in separate directions. My point here: be careful not to dust your memories in so much glitter and fancy that you forget the bad parts too! Don’t linger on all things negative, but take a giant dose of reality and see things for what they were.
First, step back, and as objectively as you possibly can, review what went down in your relationship. Make some mental notes about:
Process all of this valuable information so that you have a sort of “exit report” to summarize what went down in your relationship, how well the two of you fit together, what you would or would not repeat in a future relationship, and what qualities you are now better aware that you would desire in a partner. Now, add this data into your perspective, moving forward, so that you are equipped to even consider dating or relationships! This is when you ask yourself:
Now ponder, how many of your reasons for considering dating could be fulfilled in other ways. I’m not suggesting a life of solitude and celibacy, but I do highly recommend to any female who will listen that you should be complete as a person and able to stand on your own two feet before ever adding another person to your life. Don’t count on another person to love you, support you, entertain you, or complete you as a human being. We never know what the future brings or how long we have with the ones we love; therefore, it’s unwise to put all of your needs in someone else’s basket when you don’t know if (for whatever reason) they may be capable of fulfilling our hopes!Lastly, ask yourself in full honesty:
Most likely you will discover that you can afford to take your time, be selective, and add a partner to your life because you want to, and not because you need to.
My suggestion, at this point, is to go ahead and date if you’re ready for it; but, perhaps date yourself first! Fall in love with yourself, rediscover all of your amazing gifts and qualities, dream some dreams, and get to know yourself again. Most likely you will discover that you can afford to take your time, be selective, and add a partner to your life because you want to, and not because you need to.When the time is right, someone is going to be very fortunate to have you as a date, and you will be in the best mindset to select someone worthy of you!Dating after divorce advice & tips by Jackie Pilossoph, Divorced Girl Smiling Editor-in-Chief
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