It’s not always easy to be even respectful to an ex who may or may not be abusive or rude to you after a divorce. It can take a lot of tongue biting, acts of God and reminders that you don’t really like the color prison orange in order to take the high road with someone who isn’t easy to deal with. And for those of you who didn’t want the divorce or perhaps were cheated on, you may be more prone to being bitter because you’ve got a lot of open wounds still. You’re spending a lot of time licking those wounds while simultaneously, wishing hell on your ex.
But truly, taking the high road is the only way to having a better life after your divorce.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a single divorced woman or a single divorced mom…with or without kids…taking the high road is the only way to be truly happy and peaceful after your divorce. If you doubt me and feel a little revenge is in order for your ex-sweetie pie poopsies, let me share a few things that might inspire you to turn the other cheek and lift your head and shoulders high the next time your former “poopsies” decides to be well, a total poop.
Whether you believe in a higher power or not and I do, your title on earth is not “Deliverer of Punishments.”
You’re not here to teach your ex a lesson or straighten him or her out. You can’t deliver karma. You can’t force your ex to change. Even a court order and a supposed “win” in divorce court won’t quite be punishment.
You need to accept that it is not your job to deliver your ex to metaphorical or literal, hell. That wanting to do that is toxic and bad for your own healing. That holding onto that anger only burns you, and not your ex.
Have you ever held onto a hot curling iron and felt cool?
No. You haven’t. Your hand burns. Point taken.
Is there ever a winner in divorce? No, there is not. And besides, this isn’t a competition. The goal isn’t to beat out your ex…it’s to make your best life. Taking the low road even if your ex is too doesn’t produce a winner: all it produces are two people, down in the mud, getting dirty, filthy and flea-ridden.
Remember: when you hang with the dogs, you get the fleas. Rise above and breathe in the positivity.
You don’t have to show up to every fight your ex-spouse throws your way.
You won’t get your ex to regret his affair or regret breaking your heart. You won’t get a nasty narcissist or a distant lover to suddenly “realize” and take the blame for all the wrong this person has done. You will never be able to recoup your marriage and even if you could, it wouldn’t be the marriage you wanted, even if you didn’t want to divorce in the first place.
You will not achieve anything by being petty, small, angry or bitter.
Do you really think kids need reminders of how daddy did something bad to mommy? Or that daddy failed mommy somehow?
Do you think your kids will have healthy relationships later on in life while they grow up watching you try to get revenge on a former ex?
They won’t. They will grow up resentful of the drama, angry with you both and unable to make solid attachments.
It takes a lot of work sometimes to be kind and respectful, but it needs to happen.
And take note: being kind doesn’t equal being a doormat. You don’t have to let your ex walk all over you, and you shouldn’t! But you can be respectful and polite. You don’t have to show up to every fight your ex-spouse throws your way.
When you stop caring or obsessing over the difficulties with your ex…
When you let the past go…
All that is left is a bright new future. All that energy once spent being stressed, angry, bitter, and sad or what have you, is now open for positive things, people and options.
By shutting the door on negativity, you allow the floodgates to open with love and light.
Ultimately, it is up to you to decide how and with whom you spend your energy. You cannot change others’ actions or behaviors, but you can change how you respond.
Take this to heart and go out and let go of the past and see where that gets you. I bet you’ll end up in beautiful places with beautiful people you never dreamed possible.
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