Being divorced leaves us feeling shaky, ungrounded, and questioning everything we thought we ever knew to be true. We’re thrown into the world of dating after years of being solely with one person leaving us feeling like a fish out of water. It’s both fun and scary as hell in the beginning. Dealing with feelings of insecurities coming out that you forgot you even had after feeling safe with one person all those years. I dated a few men until I found my partner today. And when I say “dated”, I use that term loosely. By definition in today’s world, it could’ve also easily been said it was a “friends with benefits” or a “hook up”.
During this whole journey of dating all the wrong men, it ultimately led me into the arms of my dream love though. I began to get tired of my own bull sh*t, attracting men that were way less than I deserved. So, I began seeing my spiritual teacher each and every week to find out what was going on within me that allowed me to attract these men. In this weekly journey, I began to learn about manifestation and the laws of the universe, one being the law of attraction. I began to learn that I could actually manifest and create the love I was so looking for. This allowed me to explore a journey of self-love when I learned that we attract what we are and what we think we deserve, rather than what we want.
In my eyes, I was working hard on healing and calling in the one after learning this. Before I set out on this journey of self-love, I cared a whole lot about what people thought. I cared about who I dated and if they would “look” like they were good enough for me. I needed them to look like they had it all so that I felt like I was enough. I mean, after all, if they were with me then I must’ve good enough too, right? We often choose men to date that fill these voids that we have within ourselves. We seek out partners who are “hot” because it allows us to feel “hot” by being with them. We choose partners who are fun when we fail to be able to have fun on our own. We depend on them to be who we can’t be and that’s why we miss them so much when they’re gone. We miss the part of ourselves they brought out in us that allowed us to feel a certain way.
So, I worked hard to become whole within myself and not need someone to make me feel “enough” anymore. It took some time, some pain, and some tears but I finally got there. And then in entered Gary. My boyfriend today who is 11 years younger than me. When he first entered my life, I wouldn’t even entertain the thought of dating him. I mean, after all, what would a 26 year old man want with a 37 year-old woman with 3 kids, like my then 17 year-old son so wisely advised me back then. He was my younger sister’s friend that I couldn’t seem to stay away from even though logically it made no sense. Gary would try to get me to go on a date and I would give him enough hope to keep him there but in my head, it was a hard no, even though I secretly wanted to be in his energy. He would tell me that he loved to talk to me late at night because I let my guard down more. I wouldn’t allow him to get close to me. I was judging the situation and worrying about what other people would think too much, even though I knew better…
Until the day I walked into my spiritual teacher’s office and began throwing a full out temper tantrum about how I was doing all of this healing work, manifesting the way I should, saying no to things that no longer served me and I was still left with nothing! No man to call mine! Still! I was tired of this BS manifesting sh*t! Then, she looked at me and asked if I was done with my tantrum yet and she began to speak in her oh-so-wise Susan voice that always stopped me dead in my tracks. She reminded me that I had someone right in front of my face and that pissed me off even more. I yelled, “Gary? Seriously? What the hell am I gonna do with a 26 year-old?” Then, she reminded me that he was a soul and I was judging the experience that could be meant for my highest good and the evolution of my soul. Like usual, I was left speechless. She was right. It hit me. This guy could be part of my path and I was not allowing it because I was judging the situation and caring too much about how it looked.
From that point on, I slowly allowed Gary to inch his way into my heart instead of stopping it before it could start. I allowed my walls around my heart to come down more and more each day until he basically moved into it and called it home. When I began dating Gary he had not yet begun his career in state corrections and had an old car that was certainly the opposite of luxury. These things certainly weren’t on my list that I had created for the characteristics of my dream guy. I overlooked them, though, having faith that the Universe knew better for me. I focused on who he was inside. He had nothing to offer me but himself and that was EVERYTHING. I was enough already on my own so none of the other stuff mattered anymore. Today, Gary and I have a beautiful life together with my 3 children, along with our newest 2 month old baby boy added to our family.
Your soul and his soul may have a soul contract made before coming into human form. We are souls having a human experience rather than humans with a soul. His soul may be part of your journey and you may be stopping something that is meant for your highest good.
When you’re enough on your own, you don’t need another to make you feel enough. When you can look at your partner for who he is stripped down with nothing to offer but himself, you’ll know you truly love him for his person. If you were both left with nothing tomorrow and no material things, you know you truly love him for all that he is rather than all that he has.
When you are confident in who you are, you care less about the opinions of others. You know people are only judging you from their own vantage point and it ultimately has nothing to do with you but instead everything to do with them. Living life doing what makes you truly happy allows you to stay true to you and aligned with your highest good and what’s meant for you. Sometimes you have to just throw in the towel and realize the Universe knows what you truly want more than you do.
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