Reinventing Yourself With Purpose with Samantha Gregory

nina lorez collins
Worthy Staff

By Worthy Staff | Apr 17th, 2019

In this episode, Samantha opens up about her 20 year journey of single motherhood how she reinvented herself, and how she helps other women find and pursue their purpose.

“No matter what you are experiencing in life, you don’t have to barely survive, rather you have the ability to thrive. You have the power to live a liberated purposeful life of your choosing.”

This week’s guest, Samantha Gregory, after her own story of reinvention, is helping women find their Unique Soul Purpose. She is a full-time coach, founder of Rich Single Momma and host of the Brilliant Beauties podcast, contributor for the Worthy blog and is a proud member of the Worthy Women’s Scholarship panel.

Samantha has been a single mom for over 20 years. Her journey has been full of ups and downs, starting with the stigma of single motherhood. In this episode, Samantha opens up about her experience with depression, antidepressants, and toxic relationship patterns, that led to experience serious health issues. It was when she hit her “rock bottom” that she made the choice to get back up, build a purposeful life and help other women do the same.

What you’ll find in this episode:

Samantha’s 4 Step Personal Reinvention Formula:

  1. Facing the pain – The first and hardest step. Feel your pain, see it for what it is, recognize the source and acknowledge your role in it.
  2. Forgiving the past – Once you’ve truly faced the pain and made yourself accountable, forgive yourself for the choices you’ve made, for not seeing your role earlier on, for ignoring things that you could have addressed.
  3. Formulating a plan – At this stage, you are ready to visualize your future. Start by writing down your best life, empower yourself to feel hopeful and get excited, and build a plan that works for you rather than what other people are projecting on you.
  4. Focusing on the future – Know where you are going, look towards it instead of behind you and stay on the path of your plan.

Takeaway: All things are possible when you tap into your wisdom. Know your worth and take the steps to build yourself up towards the life you want.

About Samantha

In 2008, Samantha was unemployed when she got the vision for richsinglemom.com. She believed she could eventually be financially stable and free enough so she wouldn’t have to worry about or rely on child support. The blog has grown and features personal finance, parenting, and personal development articles as well as interviews with celebrities and amazing successful women in business. Readers rave about the content and their changed lives.

Samantha is a firm believer in acquiring knowledge around your finances in order to be well-equipped if ever in a dire situation. Having a game plan is crucial and necessary if you find yourself in a bad relationship. She believes single moms should thrive, not just survive!

Episode Transcript

Jennifer: Welcome to Divorce And Other Things You Can Handle, a branded podcast by Worthy. I’m Jennifer Butler, and I’m your host. Our guest today firmly believes that no matter what you’re experiencing in your life, we don’t have to barely survive. Rather, we have the ability to thrive. Samantha Gregory has made it her life’s work to teach women how they can live a liberated and purposeful life of their choosing. Her personal story of reinvention is powerful and inspiring, and has been the catalyst for her helping so many other women to transform their own lives.

Jennifer: We love and honor all of you in our Worthy community, and know that so many of you are struggling with some very real life challenges that may feel hopeless and impossible. We read stories in our Facebook group about toxic and abusive relationships, unemployment, not having a supportive environment to fall back on, all sorts of financial issues, and so much more. We know how difficult divorce can be, and the uncertain path you find yourself on, and so I’m really glad to be able to bring this conversation to you today, with a woman who truly understands where you are, as well as the future that is possible for each and every one of you.

Jennifer: We’re going to take a quick break, and we’ll be right back talking with Samantha Gregory.

Jennifer: Samantha Gregory is an author, consultant, speaker, and single mom, money and parenting expert, who has been featured in Essence, Huff Post, ABC News, Mint.com, Regions Bank, Lifetime Online, and Experian. She is also the founder of RichSingleMomma.com, the first online magazine featuring personal finance, parenting, and personal development content and courses, for single moms who are ready to thrive and not just survive the single motherhood journey.

Jennifer: Samantha is the author of No More Crumbs: How to Stop Dating and Mating for Crumbs and Get the Cake You Deserve In 10 Crucial Steps, 100 Secrets of Successful Single Motherhood, Deliciously Simple Online Business Guide, and The Simple Outsourcing Guide. Samantha has also authored eight more ebooks, all with women, especially single moms, in mind. She is a lifestyle strategist for the 21st century working woman, coaching executive women on how to manage stress without harmful drugs, inspiring them to unleash their unstoppable power by discovering their USP: Unique Soul Purpose, Power, and Profit Generator, and get their sexy back.

Jennifer: She is the host of the Brilliant Beauties podcast, and Rich Single Momma TV, Samantha writes for our Worthy blog, and is a member of our Worthy Scholarship Panel, and we are grateful, as a community, to have her voice and her presence. I am thrilled to have the opportunity to speak with her today about reinventing yourself with purpose. Please welcome Samantha Gregory to the podcast, thank you for being here.

Samantha: Hi Jennifer, thank you so much for having me, I’m really excited about our topic today, and I really appreciate the intro, it was really great, and I think we’re gonna have a great time in this conversation today.

Jennifer: I do too, I mean you’re doing so much, I read your bio, I’ve read through it a couple of times, and I’m like, gosh, this woman. You are just a powerhouse, and it’s so inspiring.

Samantha: Thank you, and that’s on top of a full time job, too, so, you know.

Jennifer: Right. Yes, I should have put that in there too, because that is so impressive. I mean like I said, you’re a powerhouse, I can’t wait for everyone listening to really just get to know you and hear what you have to say. Your personal story of reinvention, it’s beyond inspiring, it’s motivating, it’s empowering, it really shows what’s possible. So can you start just kind of talking about what your experience has been, and sharing yourself with us?

Samantha: Sure, sure. So I have been on the single mom journey for about 22 years, my daughter is 22. Be 23 in July, can’t believe it. But it didn’t start out all roses and rainbows, it was a tough journey for me, because I grew up in a very conservative, Southern, religious family, and so getting pregnant and having a child outside of marriage was pretty taboo, and so I was filled with a lot of shame. And granted, I was a full grown adult, and I had my own life, my own apartment, my own everything, but dealing with this stigma, as it were, of single motherhood, was kind of traumatic for me. And I look back and I think, wow, I did go through what many would term post-traumatic stress disorder, because of all of the, what do you call it, dogma, that I grew up with.

Samantha: And so in trying to manage that, and then almost four years later having another child, you know, same situation, and it’s like, what do I … This is not me. But I learned so much about myself through this process, but it took a while for me to get from that point of despair, shame, depression, and a number of other mental health issues, to the point where I started having to take Zoloft, and I had to antidepressants, and I was dealing with a lot of bad relationships because it was like a snowball effect of me not finding the place of healing, and renewal, and reinvention at that time.

Samantha: So I had to go through this really rough patch in my life, and it was to the place, especially after these series of bad relationships, got into a bad marriage, and I had to come to myself especially when my health started to be affected. I started having premature menopause at 32, and a lot of other health issues, and it was a wake up call for me, because I knew if I didn’t get it under control that the stress would actually, literally kill me. And so I made a decision, which is key, making that decision, that my life was important, and that the life of my children were important as well. And so I am thankful for the rough patches and the hard times, because if I didn’t have them I wouldn’t be able to share this now.

Samantha: But I reinvented myself in terms of my mindset, and how I had to appear in the world, how I had to view the world, and making changes including going back to school to get my degree. It included moving to a different place, it included getting out of bad relationships, getting counseling and doing all the things that I needed to do in order to become a whole, fulfilled, and happy me, or version of myself. And also showing my children that this important for you to do and to not allow life’s circumstances to suffocate you, and to get the help you need.

Samantha: Depression, in my opinion, is curable. You can at least get to the place, not where you’re just coping, but you’re thriving, and you’re living your best life and blessed life, and I think that’s really, really important for everyone to remember. I had to believe it in myself, and then get it to a place where I could live it fully and authentically. That’s kind of my journey in a nutshell, and now I’m in a job I really love, I’m sharing with women every single day, actually I had a coaching call yesterday, and it was really empowering. And just being able to give practical solutions because of what I’ve lived through. And I think that’s really, really important. If you’ve lived through it, then it just becomes more real for the other person.

Jennifer: Right.

Samantha: You have your own journey, your hero’s journey, and you’re the actual star of it. And you’re gonna go from despair to pure bliss, but it takes time, and it’s a process, and you have to be willing to go through that process.

Jennifer: Yeah, I like to think of it as a Life Ph.D., what you live through, you become an expert in.

Samantha: Absolutely.

Jennifer: So I mean, there’s so much in your story as you’re speaking, and I think so much that probably everyone can relate to, you know, dealing with the stigma of whatever you’ve been taught as a child, you know. We’re not only taught things and told things, but we also kind of make up our own beliefs and stories about the things we don’t understand, and then we become adults, and that stuff is still there.

Samantha: It is, deep down, and it has to be rooted out, literally, ’cause it is a root that has to be unearthed and pulled. And it’s painful, and I always warn people, it is a painful process, but it’s a necessary process, and once you’re on the other side of it, you’re absolutely free.

Jennifer: Yeah, and I think, you know, what I heard in your story was there really had to be a moment where you decided.

Samantha: Yes. That’s key.

Jennifer: What’s that like, and how can you translate, or how do you translate that to the people you speak to, your clients that you speak to, because … Is it like a bottom that you have to hit, or is it different for everybody?

Samantha: I think it’s different bottoms for each person. What my bottom is could be different from yours, or someone else’s, and when you hit that space, or that place, it feels like you’re going to break, and it feels like you’re never going to recover, you want to die. I was, again, talking to someone else, and they’re like, “I’m in such a place of despair I just don’t want to live,” and I could relate to that, because there were times, just driving from work, or to work, and I just said, “Well, maybe if I just drive off this cliff …”

Jennifer: Yeah.

Samantha: You know? And we all honestly have those feelings, and those feelings are just that. It’s a feeling, and you can act on it or not act it, you can look at it, and just for what it’s for worth, and say, “This is just what I’m feeling right now,” and own that feeling. And I think when people get to the place of control in terms of being able to recognize what those feelings are, they have a place to go from there. At the bottom of the ravine, as it were, you only can look up, or you can just turn over and look face down, but I think looking up is more beneficial.

Jennifer: Right.

Samantha: Because then you can actually see the stars if it’s night time, you can see the blue sky, you can see that there is hope and there’s life on this planet, and you’re worthy of being a part of that. And then at that place and point is when you make the decision, I’m gonna get up, I’m gonna dust myself off, and I’m gonna start taking it one step at a time toward that life that I see for myself. But you do have to see, and envision that life for yourself.

Samantha: It’s challenging, ’cause when there’s lots of dark clouds, when there’s this big storm over you, it’s hard to see anything else, but in your mind’s eye, you’ve envisioned what you want your life to look like, and you could start walking step by step toward that. Then you’ll begin to see things change in your life, but it does start with that decision to get up.

Jennifer: So let’s talk about that in sort of a more practical way.

Samantha: Sure.

Jennifer: So what we see a lot, and read a lot in our Worth community is the dark place, right. Very real issues, like not having access to any of the couple’s finances. Not having access to money to provide food for their kids. Maybe not having a car to be able to get to a job interview, like, very real things. I know women sometimes find themselves homeless, and there’s a lot coming at the women’s divorce community, what we’re talking about. Envision your future, get a coach, access help, and I think what happens is, what we hear is, women are saying, okay, yes, that sounds great, but I can’t even afford this, or I am here, I can’t even think about that yet.

Jennifer: And so how do you present this to them as, “Well yes, and …”?

Samantha: Right, that’s a fantastic question, because I’ve been in all those spaces. Unemployment, homelessness, no money in the bank at all, and really struggling with how am I going to survive? How am I going to make it? But I think that, “Yes, and …” statement for me would be, take a look around. And because it’s really hard to see any answers or clues when all you’re seeing is the back of your hand, or when you’re looking at your situation, and it looks so big. But when you can take a step back, and you can kind of look around, and you can see, what can I do?

Samantha: Because I was at a place where I was unemployed, and I was needing to pay some bills, so I said, “Okay, how can I get some cash quickly?” And I looked around my house, I saw that I had some gadgets, some electronics, I had some books, I had a few things that were valuable, and I posted it on Craigslist. I posted it on a couple of other places, and I got calls. I took pretty good pictures, I got calls, and I sold it. And so I was able to get some cash almost immediately, that same day.

Samantha: So because, I hate to admit it, but I’m kind of prideful, and I hate asking people for money, so I said, “Okay, well this is the next best thing, I don’t need all this stuff right now, and I can always get it back later.” Now I think sometimes people get caught up in, “Well I if I sell all my stuff, I’m not gonna have anything.” Well, you really don’t have anything now, with no money, so get rid of it, sell some things, sell your engagement ring, that’s what Worthy’s all about.

Jennifer: Yeah, I was gonna say we hear about it all the time, like the sentimental value, I can’t, but that could be the one thing that just launches your future in a different direction.

Samantha: Exactly. Exactly. And it’s something that you have power over, and I think when we are in this space of feeling powerless, we get paralyzed by it, and we think, oh my god, there is just nothing I can do, I’m just stuck, and then when you take that one action, it creates a snowball effect or momentum, into something else, and then something else. But you have to dig deep and find the hope that things can change, and this is only temporary.

Samantha: And I think when you kind of look at it from that perspective, it gives you a little bit of hope. Not necessarily the big hope that you need to go out and conquer the world at that moment, but when you sell that first thing, like a … I think when my kids were younger, they had like a Game Boy, and I just made a deal with them. “I’m gonna sell this, but I’m gonna get you a better one later.” And so, and I packed it, bundled up all the games, and the controller, and all that good stuff, sold it that same day, problem solved for the moment.

Samantha: So that’s some practical things you can do, because if you go to unemployment, you need to apply for unemployment, that’s gonna take a little bit, a while. Same thing with food assistance, same thing with housing, or what have you. But those little things you can do to create a bit of …

Jennifer: Momentum?

Samantha: Momentum, give you a moment to exhale, ’cause you’ve been holding your breath the whole time.

Jennifer: Yeah.

Samantha: And because it feels impossible, that’s something that you can do, and then the next thing you do is call up a friend, and sometimes we feel like we’re just completely alone in the world, but it’s simply not true. There’s a friend, there’s someone who will help you by taking you to work, or taking you to a office to get help, or a church, or what have you.

Samantha: There are places that would do that, but I think because we’ve gone through this traumatic experience, such as divorce, it feels hard to ask for help, and hard to get rid of the, “I can do it all by myself,” or, “I’ve always done things by myself,” or, “I feel ashamed,” or “There’s a stigma,” or what have you. But getting to that place where if you belong to a church or a community, and saying, “I need help,” ’cause I had to do that with my own church.

Samantha: “I can’t pay my rent this month, can you help me?” They jumped in, and they helped me, and then my kids were part of a … it was a afterschool program, and that afterschool program, they helped low income families, and during the holidays, they came blazing up into my apartment, and then whole fire department came and delivered gifts and food, et cetera. So help is out there, you just have to be willing to accept the help.

Jennifer: Right, not just willing to ask, but willing to receive, and I think that sometimes is the hardest part about asking for help. Yeah.

Samantha: Absolutely, that was a hard lesson for me to learn, that I can accept the help, I’m worthy of the help, and the help is what I need for this moment, and it’s not a lifetime sentence. It’s something that’s needed right now.

Jennifer: I wonder, you know, as you’re speaking, if that’s a little bit even harder for women, because as women we’re so used to taking care of everything, right?

Samantha: Yes.

Jennifer: Like we wear all these hats, we can handle it, we’ve got it, we’ve always had it, you know?

Samantha: Yes.

Jennifer: And so having to ask for help, and have that moment where it’s like, I need help, I actually can’t do everything right now, by myself.

Samantha: Exactly. And I think we are so hard on ourselves, and we have such impossible standards. Another quick story, I remember when I was in school, full time, I was working, I was taking care of my kids, and my house looked like a hurricane hit it, and it was just … And people would try to make me feel guilty about that, but I had to decide, you know, spending time with my kids is precious, so cleaning up and making sure the floors are spotless, and making sure everything is in its place is not as important as the time that’s flying by while my kids are young.

Jennifer: Yeah.

Samantha: So that was something that I had to kind of let go, or relax my standards, until they were old enough to help, and we’d make it a game, or they could be a part of their chore system, or what have you. But it’s just really important to kind of let yourself off the hook and apply a lot of grace. Copious amounts of grace to yourself while you’re going through this time of challenge.

Jennifer: Yeah, that is very, very powerful and beautiful wisdom, giving yourself grace. We are gonna go to a quick break here, I could take to you forever I feel like. But I’m gonna take this break right here, and when we come back I want to dive into your four step personal reinvention formula, because I think that’s gonna be something that whoever’s listening can really kind of anchor into, and begin taking those steps. So we’re gonna take a quick break, and we will be right back with Samantha Gregory.

Jennifer: We are back with Samantha Gregory, and we’re talking about how you can reinvent yourself, reinvent your life, with purpose, no matter where you find yourself right now. No matter what circumstances you’re in. And I would like you to share your four step personal reinvention formula, and just kind of help women start to understand how they can begin reinventing their lives in a way of their choosing.

Samantha: Sure, absolutely. So this four step personal reinvention formula is pretty simple on the surface, and it really involves facing the pain, forgiving the past, formulating a plan, and focusing on the future. So, notice all the F’s, I love alliteration, I’m a English major so, you know, that really … I think it helps it stick.

Jennifer: Yeah, absolutely.

Samantha: This four step formula, so, first of all facing the pain. A lot of times that’s the hardest thing to do. It feels like, “Oh, yeah I can face the pain, ’cause I’m feeling sad, I’m feeling despair, I’m feeling depression, I’m feeling these things.” But that’s a feeling that you have, and those are feelings that will swirl around in your mind for as long as you allow it to, and you really aren’t making any progress.

Samantha: But when you’re able to face the pain, that is when you’re able to look at it for what it is, and acknowledge that, yes, I was in a bad situation, a bad marriage, I got divorced, I’m hurting, and this is how I’m feeling right now. I feel like I wanna punch someone in the face, I feel like I want to just curl up and not wake up again in the morning. And then as you’re facing the pain, you’re actually seeing what part you played. Not placing blame, but just simply, how did this happen? How did I get to this space?

Samantha: And then when you’re able to do that, you’re, I think, 10 steps ahead of people who are just feeling all the despair and the angst, and all the depression. But when you’re able to face it and say, “Okay what part did I play,” and take personal responsibility for it, then you’re in a position to begin to make moves for your future. So face the pain.

Jennifer: I’m really glad that you said it that way, and kind of pointed out how deceptive it can feel to yourself. Just because you’re feeling sad doesn’t mean that you’re actually facing the pain.

Samantha: Exactly.

Jennifer: From personal experience, I remember that, I remember going through that first year and thinking I was facing the pain, and doing everything “right”, but it was all a very deceptive way of staying in the pain and not facing it.

Samantha: Exactly.

Jennifer: Yeah.

Samantha: And if you don’t get to go through that first step, that first part of the formula, then the rest of it going to be kind of pointless. Not pointless, but it’s gonna be harder.

Jennifer: Like, unattainable, right?

Samantha: You’re gonna come back to the pain over and over and over again. You’re gonna be like, “I thought I got through this!” It’s gonna be a vicious cycle until you’re able to actually face and acknowledge that pain, and begin the journey of healing.

Jennifer: So this is where women who come years later … “Why can’t I get past this, it’s been five years, why am I still stuck on this, I’m never gonna get over him.”

Samantha: Right, and step two was forgive the past. And that can only happen once you’ve actually faced the past, which is facing the pain. So in forgiving the past, there’s several layers of forgiveness, and people sometimes they still don’t get that the forgiveness is not about the other person, it’s about your freedom. It’s about releasing yourself from the past, and so when you’re able to forgive, it’s a process, it’s not something that happens instantly. Especially, if you’ve been in a long relationship for years, that’s years of piled up issues. Years of pain that, once you faced it, you’re kind of unpacking, and you’re kind of looking at it, and you’re releasing it.

Samantha: And that’s part of the forgiveness process, it is a process, it’s not a instant, “Oh, I forgive, and I’m done.” No, this is a daily practice. I think a big part of the forgiveness is, back when we were facing the pain and looking at our responsibility we had to forgive ourselves for sometimes choosing that person. For not seeing red flags, forgiving yourself for the part you played in it, to aggravate things, when you ignored things that you could have addressed. There’s so many different layers when it comes to the forgiveness process, but it is important to go through that step. Just as important as going through facing the pain, it’s just as important to forgive the past, because until you do that you will not be able to move on and be successful, and effective, and really happy.

Samantha: So forgive the past, that’s so important.

Jennifer: Absolutely, I think that step of forgiving yourself sometimes can be the most difficult, because it’s so much easier to focus on the other person, and just blame them.

Samantha: Oh, yes. Actually that’s why that facing and accepting your responsibility in the facing pain portion is important, because once you get, when you’re able to do that you can forgive, start to forgive yourself. And again, just like forgiving the other person is a daily practice, forgiving yourself is a daily practice. And a part of the forgiveness process, what I shared with one of my coaching clients recently was, sometimes you have to write some hate mail.

Samantha: When I talk about hate mail, I’m really big into journaling, and I’m really big into writing letters, and because when you have so much in your head, and in your heart, it’s a pressure valve, and it continues to build up the pressure, it builds up, and builds up, until one day you’re like, you either implode or explode. And so the writing comes in to help relieve that pressure, release that pain, let go of all of the things that you feel victimized for.

Samantha: So if that’s writing a letter to your ex, and telling him everything you think about him, the good, the bad, the ugly, the disgusting, whatever it is, write hate mail to him, write ’em to his family, anybody who was involved in this process of pain that you’ve been dealing with, because it will help you with that forgiveness process, and you don’t mail the letter. You hold the letter, you burn the letter, you destroy the letter because you are literally making it evaporate and disappear. And all those thoughts are now on paper, and there’s magic in that writing process, from the hand, to the pen … from your brain, to your hand, to the pen, to the paper, and for some people it may mean writing a lot of letters.

Jennifer: Right. Right.

Samantha: It may take a long time, but until you can do that, and you can stop crying, then I think you are at a place where you’re ready to move on to the next phase of the formula.

Jennifer: Absolutely, which is …

Samantha: Formulate a plan.

Jennifer: Formulate a plan.

Samantha: Yes. So oftentimes in life, we’ve grown up in the system where everybody has created this plan for you, whether it’s your parents, whether it’s the education system, whether it’s the government, and they tell you what you should be doing, how you should behave, how you should act, what it is that your life should like. But you have to take back that control, and you have to create the plan for you that’s for you, that works for you, that makes you feel alive.

Samantha: And so formulating that plan is really about visualizing and writing down your best life, and when you do that, you begin to empower yourself to feel hopeful again. And to get excited about, man, I have something great here. I’m not attached anymore, I can do anything I wanna do, I can live the kind of life I want to live, and I can show my children that there is hope on the other side of despair. And I don’t have to just go by the plan that everybody else has set for me, you know, ’cause some people say, “Well if you’re divorced, you’re a single mom, then you’re this, and you’re that,” and they project so much on us. And you have to say no, I reject that projection, and here’s what I wanna do for me life.

Samantha: I wanna travel, I want to go back to school for whatever reason, I want to start a business, I want to live this place, I want to do all the things that I wanna do, you write those things down. And it doesn’t mean you’re gonna do in the next year, but it’s a blueprint, a plan that you have, and it empowers you because you have purpose now.

Jennifer: I think sometimes women get stuck here because what I hear sometimes reflected back to me is, they don’t know. Like-

Samantha: Sure.

Jennifer: They don’t know what their vision is, or they’ll say, “Well I can’t think that far ahead, I just need to get a meal.” And what I’ll sometimes say is, “Your dream doesn’t have to be to climb Kilimanjaro. Maybe your dream is to have a safe home.” You can always up your dreams. You can always up your visions.

Samantha: And that comes part of being human and evolving, you know, we are evolving and growing every year, every day of our life really, and creating that plan is just a way to motivate you to get the next meal. To get the home that you want, to start decorating that home. It could be simply, “I have a vision for how I want my home to look,” and you just decide that’s what you want to do.

Samantha: I know I told myself, when I got … for every home I’ve gotten, I’ve just kind of upgraded my things that I’ve wanted to have in my home. I lived in an apartment, and I said, “Okay, I don’t wanna do apartment living anymore.” And then I moved into a town house. Town house for a few years, okay I’m tired of this, I want a house, where I can actually not have anybody attached. I have a garage, I have a window I can look out of when I’m washing the dishes. Simple stuff like that, it was a plan, it was important for me.

Samantha: So when you’re in a place of limited resources, it’s a place to start building, and in your hear and mind, it’s something to look forward to. And that’s really what this plan is all about, something to look forward to, to work towards, to begin to dream again. Because after divorce, it’s hard to dream.

Jennifer: Yeah.

Samantha: It’s hard to see hope, it’s hard to see rainbows. But when you start to just start daydreaming, and thinking, and planning, it makes going to work much better. It makes looking for another job or career much better, because you have something that you’re able to focus on, which brings us to our last thing. And that’s focus on the future. We talked about facing the pain and forgiving the past, and formulating a plan. The current thing is the pain. The past, the thing that was behind you, is the past, and the plan is what you have in the future, and which kind of culminates in this focus on the future piece, because we don’t wanna keep looking back. We don’t wanna keep looking back, we don’t wanna keep looking at the pain, the divorce, what he’s doing, what he didn’t do, what they said and what they didn’t say.

Samantha: And I think we get so stuck in that, that it’s hard to make progress in your life. And so focusing on the future, being future focused is an important part of this formula, so that you have, you know where you’re going. It’s hard to walk backwards, and we’ve all tried it when we were kids, we tried it sometimes when we were adults, if you’re into physical training sometimes you’ll do the run backwards thing, and that’s, you know, that’s working some muscles, but that’s not what we’re built for. We’re built to move forward.

Samantha: And so we want to continue to look at our plan that we just created, and focus on the future. How do you want your kids to see your life together? My daughter is 22 years old, she’s in New York now at Columbia. I’ve always seen good things for my children, but this is something I didn’t … it blows my mind that she’s there, because single moms aren’t supposed to have kids that go to Ivy League schools, right?

Jennifer: Right.

Samantha: And she’s not a scholarship either, so it’s like, what, you know. But it was something that I decided when my children were young is, I want them to have a high quality life, and I want them to launch out successfully in the world. And our job as mothers is to be a protector and provider, a nurturer, but it’s also to be a coach. And in order to be a coach, you have to be at a place where you are at a good place of healing, you’ve forgiven the past, you can see the plan, because all coaches have to have a plan for the players, and so without that plan, you won’t be able to tell them how to move forward in this world and in this life.

Samantha: And you also probably need a coach as well, who can help you formulate this plan, and help you focus on the future versus looking at the past. Because the past is not even there anymore. It’s gone, and yeah, you may have some memories, but there’s some techniques you can use to help to dissolve those memories, because our body has this memory center. We remember things on a cellular level but when you can go through the process of releasing all of that, then the future is so much brighter. And it’s so much more fulfilling, and you’re purposeful, and looking towards something, versus looking behind.

Jennifer: Yeah, and I mean your whole process, the way you speak, it really is so grounding, and I’m just feeling into it, and it really is the courage to just take that next step, and then that next step.

Samantha: Absolutely.

Jennifer: And having someone, a coach or whoever it is, have those steps helping you figure them out, and putting them down. ‘Cause you don’t need them all laid out at once, you just need the next one, and …

Samantha: Exactly.

Jennifer: Like I said, I could talk to you all day. We have to leave.

Samantha: I know.

Jennifer: Okay, so one last question for our listeners. In everything that you’ve gone through, I mean you’re … like, I said, so many people can relate to you, you really have lived so much of life in so many different ways, in your words, what is possible for those who are listening? What’s possible for their futures?

Samantha: Wow, another great question, and I’m so full of energy and possibilities for every woman who is looking for a better future. And I believe all things are possible, you just have to believe that for yourself. Walking in your wisdom, your womanly wisdom, is key. Oh my gosh, I was talking to someone, and they were like, “You know, women have to go through so much,” and it was pretty much all negative, and I said, “Well you know, a year from now it’s gonna look different,” because when you go through these four step formula, when you are able to really get to that space of, I’m worthy, no pun intended, but I’m worthy, you will be living such a different life, because you’ve taken the steps, you’ve taken the time you have given yourself again, that grace, to go step by step through a process of becoming and evolving into the woman that you are capable of being.

Samantha: And so when you’re able to do that, you can learn how to fly a plane, you can buy your own home, you can go own that trip that you’ve been wanting to take, you can put your kids through the best schools in the world. You can start your own business. You can become CEO of a corporation, and none of your past, none of the pain, none of the things that have held you back or are holding you back in this moment will even matter, because you’ll be such a dynamic, powerful, compassionate, woman that you’ll naturally become magnetic, and you draw in goodness, but you have to release all the bad, and the pain, and the other person, your ex. You have to let them go, release them, and then all things are possible for you.

Jennifer: Thank you. Thank you for that answer, thank you for your time today, your wisdom, your heart, it’s been a treat for me, and I know our listeners as well.

Samantha: Well thank you, I … it’s been such a pleasure to share, and I think that for me it’s so important to be able to share parts of my journey. And of course, I have to still write another book to talk about just this journey, and how it’s transformed my life, and to share it with the rest of the world.

Samantha: And so I thank you again for being on this podcast, you know, and reminding women that they are truly worthy, and they can do whatever they want to.

Jennifer: And where can our listeners follow up with you?

Samantha: You can follow up with me at RichSingleMomma.com, that is my website for personal finance, parenting, and personal growth, which is kind of what we talked about today. And find me on Instagram, I’m @RichSingleMomma, and I share just a lot of great content, videos, and you know, the things that a single mom needs to be equipped, and empowered, and enriched every single day. So RichSingleMomma.com, and @RichSingleMomma on Instagram.

Jennifer: Yes, and it’s Momma, right?

Samantha: Yes, that’s right.

Jennifer: Okay. Perfect. And we will definitely be talking again.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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