Taking Back Valentine’s Day with Martha Bodyfelt

the good enough marriage with karen covey
Worthy Staff

By Worthy Staff | Feb 10th, 2022

On our first episode of season three, divorce coach Martha Bodyfelt joined Mandy to discuss the first Valentine’s Day after divorce or separation. Mandy recalled “just how awful” that first V-Day can be and while Martha agreed, she shared some tips to reclaim the day for yourself. 

On our first episode of season three, divorce coach Martha Bodyfelt joined Mandy to discuss the first Valentine’s Day after divorce or separation. Mandy recalled “just how awful” that first V-Day can be and while Martha agreed, she shared some tips to reclaim the day for yourself. 

In This Episode

Tip #1 is to shift perspective: Remember the good things and fun you had – channel this into treating yourself to something special and/or spending time with friends. 

Ask yourself: what’s causing you to feel poorly on Valentine’s Day? Is there a belief system behind it? One reason, Martha said, is that society wants to see a woman with a partner so seeing her alone (or in this case seeing yourself alone), means a woman is missing something. 

Tip #2 is to think about if your value is only based on your relationship status? Even a person who went through the most amicable divorce and feels good about herself and what’s she’s done might still feel badly on Valentine’s Day. This is less about your experience and more about the way you’ve been taught to think. Anytime you find yourself alone or wondering why you haven’t found someone, you might hear a voice from your past saying “You need to be a good girl, or else how are you going to get a husband?”. From this perspective, you are doing something wrong and that’s the reason you don’t have a partner. That’s a pretty harmful way to think about relationships so we need to work hard to change that and we can start by reclaiming Valentine’s Day. Make the day about yourself instead of other people’s expectations of you and remember you can only be judged if you accept it.

Another pain point about Valentine’s Day for the recently divorced is that in those first months and years after a split, you are working very hard to define yourself as an independent person. Valentine’s Day throws a wrench in that work by being all about couples – where to have dinner, presents to buy for each other, etc. The trick is to remember that you can only be judged if you accept it. 

Tip #3 is to ignore what’s not working for you – case and point is social media. If it’s too triggering for you, don’t be afraid to take it off your phone for the week (or more if you need it) and give yourself a little peace of mind. 

What about your kids and Valentine’s Day? Can you just cancel it?

It’s important to remember that Valentine’s Day can celebrate all types of love – friendship, family, etc. You can use Valentine’s Day as a show of love for your kids and vice versa by making them your Valentine. Remember that children model your behavior so if you choose to make Valentine’s Day into something special for yourself or for them, they’ll take that as an example. 

Tip #4 is to use Valentine’s Day as an expression of self-love. You can use this as a reason to pamper yourself or treat yourself to something special, especially something that will help you regain some confidence after divorce. 

What about helping your kids make Valentine’s for the other parent?

About Martha Bodyfelt

Martha Bodyfelt is a certified divorce recovery coach who teaches divorced women how to break free from the patterns that keep them stuck so they can feel fulfilled, have more fun, and live fearlessly. 

In the past 5 years, she has professionally coached over 100 women using the LionHeart Method, a no-BS, empowering solution that helps women recover from divorce pain and thrive in a matter of weeks, not years.  

Martha has also served as a divorce expert contributor to the Huffington Post, Elephant Journal, Psychology Today, and Thrive Global, where her advice has impacted over 10 million divorced women.

Worthy Staff

Worthy Staff


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