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4 Steps to Attract the Love You Deserve

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By Nicole Amaturo
 
“The world is a looking glass. It gives back to every man a true reflection of his own thoughts. Rule your mind or it will rule you.” The insight given behind this quote by Buddha states that the outside world is simply a mirror for our Selves and what is going on deep within us. Many of us are frustrated with love when looking for the right partner. We exhaust ourselves going on date after date with all the wrong partners. We become disheartened thinking we will never find the love we are looking for. Sometimes we even settle out of fear and end up feeling empty anyway. The solution is always inside our Selves. We must heal from the inside out and begin to understand why we are attracting the wrong partners. We are all powerful beings with the capability of manifesting our greatest desires, but if our beliefs and thoughts are not in alignment with our desires, then we will fail at bringing our desires into fruition each time.
 
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The outside world is simply a mirror for our Selves and what is going on deep within us.

 
 
As infants, we are born whole and with every need that isn’t met as we grow, we begin to lose pieces of our authentic selves. We then rid of those needs as a protection and build barriers because having them creates too much turmoil for us. We build protective barriers around ourselves and tell ourselves we don’t need or want love so we end up inadvertently pushing away love. We do this because needing love only caused us pain in the past. We tell ourselves false stories and with those false stories comes beliefs that LIMIT what we dream and accomplish. We may believe that we are unworthy, unlovable, incapable, and not good enough. We walk around each day creating experiences that will validate these feelings even though we are trying quite hard to do the opposite. We may fail to get the job of our dreams. We continue to get rejected in love, we create addictions, engage in promiscuity, we over-achieve, we exhaust ourselves by engaging in a “too busy” lifestyle, we struggle with compulsions, dependence, depression, and anxiety. We attempt to avoid. What we avoid comes back to us greater. We are in pain. We suffer. We hurt. We long for freedom from ourselves. The root of all this evil comes from our beliefs about ourselves. They are called limiting beliefs as they limit what we feel we are capable of. We develop a whole image of ourselves based off of limiting beliefs and then eventually become tired out from attracting experiences that continually create the same suffering in our lives. When we finally get sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, we start to question if there is a better way.
 
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Our thoughts and beliefs have created the present moment. Relationships are our biggest mirrors. The way another “makes you feel” is only a messenger helping you to become aware of what your belief is about yourself. Nobody can ever make you feel a certain way unless you already have that belief in place on your own. If you find yourself in a relationship in which the person makes you feel insignificant, then it is important to consider if maybe you felt unseen as a child, which made you feel insignificant. Let’s say you struggle with always feeling shame or guilt. Then, you will find relationships and experiences that will bring out the same feeling in you. When you view life seeing a reflection of your Self in all things, you will no longer harbor blame or resentment because you realize the only person you are hurting is YOU. If you find yourself being used by partners, then you may want to ask yourself what belief is in place about your Self that has allowed this person to treat you this way. Do you feel you are enough? Maybe you feel that is the only way to get love as you are not lovable for who you really are. Do you feel worthy of the love you truly desire? The more you start to become aware of your limiting beliefs, the more powerful you become at manifesting the perfect partner for you.
 
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The more you start to become aware of your limiting beliefs, the more powerful you become at manifesting the perfect partner for you.

 
 
A client of mine came to me after a break up with her very first boyfriend after her divorce. She was once married to a man who continuously cheated on her for about 20 years. She thought she would never be treated this way again by getting out of this marriage. But she didn’t first work on her issues within that put her in a marriage like this to begin with. So, she quickly found herself in a similar relationship with the ex-boyfriend that she had in her marriage. She came to me heartbroken and said, “I don’t get it. Why is it so hard for me to comprehend how someone I spent so much time with and was so good to can be such a heartless person? I have been thinking about everything and I am so angry, sad, and confused. Was it a test from God, from the Universe?” She was just starting to learn about how the Universe works and the Law of Attraction. I told her that the Universe doesn’t test you. It is not looking to punish you. It is just giving you exactly what you are and what you are putting out there. This can be a hard pill to swallow at first because it puts the responsibility on our Selves.
 
I explained to her that the Universe responds to thoughts, beliefs, and actions. It gives you what you are inadvertently asking for even if it is not what you really want on a conscious level. I told her that if you want a man that loves you unconditionally and treats you with respect but you are not loving yourself unconditionally and treating yourself with respect, then the Universe will reflect right back to you what you are in the form of these partners that do not respect you and similar experiences. She felt like she had been respecting herself but when we discussed how she wasn’t honoring herself and her needs in the relationship and only jumped through hoops for him, she began to see the mirror being held up. The more that you chase after someone that doesn’t love you the way that you deserve to be loved, the more you are sending the message out to the universe that you do not love yourself. You are putting the message out there that your partner’s needs are more important than you own.
 
She began to see that she put everything into the relationship at her own expense. She dropped her own needs and disconnected from her Self. She constantly lived in fear that he would leave her and tried her hardest to get him to love her. She realized she was not putting herself before him and that she had sent the message out into the Universe that she was insignificant, and this was exactly how she was treated. She had a limiting belief in place that she had to earn love because she wasn’t lovable as is. She felt she had to “do” for people to notice her and love her. She always felt like she had to earn her ex-husband’s love and now she found she had done the same with her ex-boyfriend too. Deep down a belief was in place that she wasn’t deserving of the love she wanted. This was a block getting in her way. In seeing the pattern here, she began to see there was a message that needed to be attended to. She saw that she needed healing in order to change her patterns and attract the love she wanted.
 
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This led me to my next question for her. I asked her if she was able to recall feeling a similar emotion in childhood. I was trying to get her to reflect and see that life is a mirror giving her exactly what she had going on inside. My guess was that she was part of a family in which she didn’t get noticed much and probably had to somehow earn love. I knew she was one of 5 children in her family and that dynamics alone can often make one feel insignificant at times. She told me that she always tried to be a good girl and do the right thing. She realized she tried hard to keep the peace at home because her older brother always created issues and her parents always had their hands full with him. With this, she often felt unseen as a child and so now she attracted relationships with men that were narcissistic and emotionally unavailable, making her feel the same. This led her to the realization that she felt the same way as a child and was now attracting men to bring out the same feeling in her. The way she internalized her experience as a child was that she was unseen and insignificant. By becoming aware of this pattern and the belief that was causing havoc in the present, she began to embrace her journey into healing to release these blocks getting in her way.
 

4 Steps to Release Blocks Inhibiting You from Attracting the Love You Deserve

 

1. Live in Awareness:

Pay attention to the thoughts you are thinking, the beliefs you hold, and your actions. Are you noticing a pattern in relationships and dating? If the same feelings are being evoked by different experiences, you need to look at those experiences as messengers for your emotions. In this, you can begin to heal them. Listen to what these emotions are trying to tell you to help you. Ask yourself “What feeling is this experience bringing out in me? Have I ever felt this way before in my life?” Once you can understand the emotion, you can begin to become aware of the underlying limiting belief that has been ruling your life. You’ll begin to heal, instead of reliving the same nightmare in masks of different experiences.
 
The more an experience upsets you, the stronger the lesson is for you. Listen to your thoughts as messengers and don’t pass judgment on them. If you notice a thought or behavior that you are trying to rid of, allow yourself to just notice it. You may say, “Look at you, there you go again” and just smile. In this unconditional presence, it is an opening for healing. This will fill you up with unconditional love, self-approval and acceptance. Living in awareness allows you to become less frustrated and freer. In doing this, you take your power back and start to control what you bring into your life.
 
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2. Practice Acceptance:

You can’t control how you arrived where you are. You can’t change how your beliefs were imprinted. You can’t change how a person treated you. What you can change is how you react to all of it. Accept where you are and make that your starting point. The power of change is in the present. Blame and resentment only punishes YOU; it doesn’t hurt anyone else. Get rid of “should” statements in your vocabulary of how things “should” have went or how you “should” feel; this releases judgment and unnecessary pressure you may be putting on yourself. This will allow you to accept who you are and where you are without resentment for your situation. Accept your old beliefs and understand where they came from in order to reverse them.
 

3. Have Compassion:

Be sensitive to the parts of your Self that are in pain. This helps to alleviate any suffering that you have experienced. Often times, we want to run away from the pieces of our Selves that are “imperfect”, or tolerated abuse or mistreatment. This is because we are ashamed of who we were so it is difficult for us to own this piece of our Selves. Release the shame and let it go. Forgive yourself knowing you did the best you could. Have compassion and an understanding for those parts of you because those are the ones that need it most. Understand who that version of you was, accept them, have compassion for them and love them. Learn to integrate all the parts of your Self in order to heal from the old stories that dictated your life thus far. This leaves space for new, beautiful blessings to come into your life.
 
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Remember that you teach other people how to treat you by how you treat your Self.

 
 

4. Give Your Self Unconditional Love:

I can’t stress the importance of self-love enough. Loving your Self means honoring your needs and putting your Self first. As a society, we have often been led to believe that putting our Selves first means that we are selfish. This is not the case. Learn to listen to your needs and learn how to meet them. Take time to explore yourself and get to know the real you. Be gentle on yourself. Take yourself out and treat yourself. Remember that you teach other people how to treat you by how you treat your Self. Talk to your Self the way that you would talk to a friend or someone you truly love and care for.
 
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Healing begins once we get to the core at which we were originally hurt. We replay the past to bring about certain emotions that are painful again and again so that we can heal and free ourselves from the preprogramming that went wrong to begin with. Healing the past can be very powerful when you allow forgiveness to take place for all the negative judgments and self-condemnations that we hold. Putting new pattern in the place of old ones requires much awareness and discipline while dismantling all of the old ones that no longer serve us.
A technique to help with releasing limiting beliefs is to practice affirmations once you become aware of what your limiting beliefs are. An affirmation is an emotionally supportive statement to your Self. “I am worthy”, “I release the need to be critical”, “I am lovable”, and “I attract loving experiences into my life” are all examples of affirmations. Use affirmations that are needed based upon your own limiting beliefs and your own healing. Writing these affirmation statements down about 20 times or so while saying them to yourself is extremely effective, as well as setting up reminders on your phone and saying them at certain times. Mirror exercises are helpful as well by looking in the mirror and saying them to your Self.
 
By committing to your own healing and looking at the outside world as a mirror, you will inevitably release blocks getting in your way from attracting the love you deserve. You will now stumble upon the love of your life as whole, complete you. I did the work and am experiencing the rewards today. It is a freeing feeling knowing that you are in control of what you choose to bring into your life. I am not saying it is easy, but the outcome certainly makes it worth it.
 
About the author

Nicole Amaturo is a contributor to the Worthy blog. She is a writer, blogger, and Life Coach in Personal Growth from the Monmouth County area in NJ. She specializes in ridding of limiting beliefs and listening to emotions as messengers. Nicole is a divorced mom of three on a mission to share her lessons and help others all around the world. She is also a 7th Grade English teacher and Literacy Coach. Nicole holds a B.A. in Education and Psychology and will have her M.S. in Holistic Health from Georgian Court University in the Spring of 2017. She is certified in Mike Dooley’s Infinite Possibilities program and is an advocate of living each day consciously, authentic to your Higher Self.

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