By Laura Lifshitz
New Year, new you?
Well, not if you do the same old stuff you did last year. And so many of us, seem to make the same mistakes repeatedly simply because certain behaviors that were learned or perhaps genetic, have become a habit.
But that doesn’t have to be you. A new year is a shiny new shot at rewriting your story. Remember those “Choose Your Own Adventures” books? If you turned to page 25, you might end up trapped. If you turned to page 50, you might end up a wealthy tycoon … or something like that.
Consider this New Year a chance to “choose your own adventure” by rewriting yourself. Take an honest look at yourself and what worked and what didn’t work for you in 2018. Decide to avoid those pesky traps by shedding old behaviors and replacing them with better attitudes and habits that will bring you joy in 2019. You can’t change every single aspect of yourself or your life, but you can turn the wheel in another direction, or head to page 50 instead of page 25 to change your life this coming year.
Here are a few behaviors to kiss goodbye to and leave in the past as you head into the future on January 1, 2019 …
1.Having A Dismal Outlook On Love
How often have you heard someone complain that “Men/Women suck” and that there is “Nobody out there?”I hear this all the time from single people. And I suppose if you discount the millions of people on the planet, I guess there is nobody “out there.” However, viewing it from that angle is pretty dismal.
Stop with the negative attitude about how all men suck or how you’ll never meet someone. Your own thoughts are powerful. Believe you will meet someone and ask the universe or whatever being you pray to for patience to wait for the right person, and the good fortune to meet this person sooner, than later. Your attitude will determine a lot about who you attract. Make no mistake about it.
2. Engaging In Emotional Hole-Filling
Whether it’s emotional eating, chronic shopping or burying yourself into work to avoid the rest of the world, cut it out. In 2019, figure out why you’ve been doing any of those types of behaviors and decide to confront whatever you’re avoiding.
Are you emotionally eating out of loneliness? Shopping too much because you’re feeling unfulfilled in your personal life? Decide to tackle this situation whether through therapy, a life coach, support groups or simply looking to friends or family to help you.
These crutches are usually ones we developed from childhood hurts or perhaps are learned behavior … something our parents did or another close family member. But these behaviors are crutches, keeping you hobbling along in negativity and unhappiness, and preventing you from walking away and truly enjoying your life. These aren’t easy habits to break, so I highly recommend a therapist or life coach to help you. Even if the work may be hard to change, it will be so worth it!
3. Criticizing Yourself Constantly
Tearing apart your body, personality, and life is really toxic. None of us are perfect and some of us have really tough circumstances, but constantly picking at yourself and your life situation is not only toxic but also a turn-off.
Things may be back-breakingly awful, but there are always things to celebrate. When I lost my job and was out of work for an extended period of time, the great benefit was I spent more time with my daughter, not to mention I got in more beach days.
You may not like your weight, but I bet you have great hair, great skin … great something. Your job may not pay well, but you might have great benefits. There is always some silver lining. The issue is trying to hold onto that shiny silver thread while you’re wading in the depths of garbage.
In 2019, hold on tight to all of those silver threads, and give yourself a break! No one wants to be around someone who is miserable or has no confidence or light to his or her soul and being.
4. Holding Onto Anger About Your Ex’s Affair
I have seen countless posts where ladies and men bash at the ex who had the affair (one man told me he is still angry about his former wife’s affair 15 years later).
If you are still lamenting an affair, I have a simple tip for you: Set a timer to 5 minutes. Let your grumbles out and when the timer is done, don’t mention it for at least another two weeks.
The more you do this, the easier it will be to let go of the past and move into the future. By holding onto these bad feelings and constantly talking about the cheater and the cheater’s accomplice if you will, you are only preventing yourself from finding happiness.
5. Deciding You’re Going To Fail Before Trying Something
If you believe you’re going to fail at a new job, a new activity, with a new person or a new diet, you’ll fail. Your attitude, as I said before, is everything.
Believing that something is going to fail before you try it is a defense mechanism to keep you from moving forward. It’s fear-based and by choosing to believe you’ll fail before you even give something a shot is almost like giving yourself an excused absence. By deciding it will go wrong, you eliminate the chance of trying and failing or getting hurt. But by doing this, you’re not moving forward or taking a chance at growing yourself and your own happiness.
In the New Year, make it a habit to find 3 reasons something will succeed, instead of fail. From a date to a diet, find 3 reasons it will be successful.
To change your life, you first have to start with your attitude.
If you want your New Year to be “new,” you’ll have to metaphorically and literally, walk into 2019 with the attitude that you will embrace new choices, say goodbye to old mistakes, and also, have the self-knowledge and insight to know what worked for you in 2018 and what didn’t. By owning those mistakes, you then have the power to change them and make 2019 a fantastic year!
About the Author
Laura Lifshitz is a pint-sized, battery-operated writer, comedienne, single mother and chocolate fanatic. A former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate, you can find her work in many places, like the New York Times, DivorceForce, Mom.Me, Women’s Health, Worthy, Working Mother and numerous other sites. Follow her on Facebook and her own website, frommtvtomommy.com.