By Laura Lifshitz
Are you separated? Newly-divorced? Struggling to find some happiness and a life of peace and joy? There are certain things that will hold you back from having the life you want. Some of these things you may not even realize are impacting you, whereas others may be more obvious.
If you’re not as happy as you hoped you would be, here are some potential things keeping you down and preventing your progress.
1. Not Finalizing Your Divorce
Stalling your divorce is not going to help you. Hanging onto the marriage and drawing out the separation is only going to impede your progress. Of course, you don’t want to rush a divorce agreement, but stalling or thinking that making it legal doesn’t matter, is a bad move.
It will keep you from cutting ties and starting afresh.
2. Holding onto Old Material Marital Items
Keep a few wedding pics for your kids to see later on in life, but otherwise, do you need every marital memento? Nope, you don’t. Let go of the old stuff. Think of it as a Feng Shui of sorts: cleaning out the past literally can allow for a new future to build.
Two of the biggest things you can say “Ta-ta” to are: your wedding dress (does your daughter want to wear the dress from your failed marriage? NOPE) and your wedding band and engagement ring.
First, both are worth money, especially those rings!
Second, they’re not prized heirlooms in my eyes (unless they were passed down from the family) but instead, are symbols of the past. And the past belongs where it happened: In the past!
Make some cash, sell your old junk and feel good about a new beginning.
3. Dwelling on Old Resentments
Still mad at your ex for cheating on you? Still mad your ex mother-in-law called you “heavy?” Yeah, no one blames you for not particularly liking those moments or those people, but…
Let it go!
Elsa was a wise princess.
What good comes from festering over stuff your ex did to you in your past? Nothing. It just becomes another one of your marital war stories, and you know what?
War is horrible. War stinks.
Forget your past. Let go of the old resentments. If you’re still putting energy into the past, that’s where you’ll live forever, my dearie. So, click your heels three time and say “Buh-bye, past!”
4. Complaining That Life Stinks
Ok, yes…life is unfair, no doubt. But as my mother said, “No one promised you a rose garden.”
Life stinks sometimes and divorce is hard. It can be hard for a long time. It can cycle from great to bad.
This is life. It’s not always sunshine and kittens, but if you expect it to be OR you expect life to always be horrible, guess what?
It will be horrible. Or, if you expect it to always be rainbows and puppies, you’ll be sulking for eternity.
Don’t let yourself get sucked into the bad feelings and thoughts. If you put too much money down on those feelings, you’ll only be sold to your own negativity.
READ ALSO: After a Year That Sucked, How I’m Looking Brightly Forward
5. Refusing to Try New Methods
Whether it’s parenting, dating or anything else in your life, if you are stuck in your old ways, you will be old, on the inside and outside.
You need to take a fresh look at your life and the areas in which you are “pained” and try to find new solutions. By not doing so, you’ll only encounter the same heartaches as you did before. If you want a better life, you have to better “you” first.
6. Placing Your Happiness on Others
If you believe you will only be happy when you meet someone else or only be happy if your ex/children/family/insert random human being does what you want him or her to do, you will be depressed. You need to make yourself happy and then if others do as well, well, that’s just a party bonus.
Ultimately, your happiness starts with you. If you believe you are in charge of making your life happen, you will make it happen and happen with joy!
The big picture here? You are in charge of your destiny. You hold the wheel. Bad times will happen but how you handle them and how you view yourself and your life path is the true key to happiness.
About the Author
Laura Lifshitz is a Freelance Writer, Content Creator, Comedienne, & Obsessive Chocoholic