By Laura Lifshitz
If you are dating a single mom, congratulations! If you are attempting to date a single mom…well, sit back, because I’ve got some things you need to hear.
As a single mom who is pretty badass and also dating, I’d like to share one thing you need to know before messaging me or any other single mom online or in real life:
We’re not desperate.
I know, I know. You went on Craig’s List. You watched an XXX video. You “heard” single moms are desperate horn balls just dying (insert my eye roll right here folks) for some male attention.
Apparently, the word on the street is single moms are just dying for some “big hulking man” to come and make her life better. Well, that my friends is the first thing on this list that you need to know in order to date a single mom:
1. No, Darling, I’m Not Desperate For You To Sleep With Me
Sure, every human on this earth loves sex and loves company. Well, besides intentionally celibate people I suppose.
But single moms are not dying for sex. And hey, there are tools for that sort of issue if it becomes hairy, and truthfully, there are many of us single moms out in the world. Many of us dating.
We are not desperate to get in the sack with you. We can be just as choosy as you are, man with the annoyingly pretentious abdominal photos and braggery of his fifty vacation spots. Stop buying into the myth and find someone who is foolish enough to stroke your ego, thanks.
2. Hey Superman: Grab That Cat Out Of the Tree But You Don’t Need To Save Me!
Being a single mom is not easy. It’s just not. Don’t ask me to lie. I can’t and won’t. It’s hard but I’m not some dainty wallflower, pal. I am tough. I can withstand a lot and so can other single moms. Just because I am parenting on my own does not mean I am dying for you to come and save me and make my life better. I’m a grown woman. I make my life better. I get business done. I dot my own I’s and cross my own T’s. I don’t need a dad. I have one already. His name is Mr. Lifshitz.
READ ALSO: 9 Qualities that Make Single Moms a Real-Life Wonder Woman
3. Your Last Minute Stuff Is Cute, But Not Really!
Everyone loves to be spontaneous but…my first name is mommy.
I can’t always whisk off to the islands on a dime’s notice. I can’t always rearrange my schedule in order to accommodate yours. Sometimes, my kids get sick. Sometimes, it takes a work of staggering genius to plan a date.
So in other words, give us a little heads up and be patient. Being a mother is a juggling act; yes, it means we are busy, but it also means we are amazing people with much more to offer than any old woman.
4. Kids Get Sick And All Hell Breaks Loose: Always at Once!
Be patient and be aware that it is not all about you and that sometimes, the sh*t will hit the fan right when you and I had important plans.
That dating a single mother means our kids will get sick right at the worst times and sometimes even when we really, really, really want to see you…we can’t, and we are so very sorry.
It doesn’t mean we don’t love you. We do. So please…get over it. Quickly.
5. Just Dive In And Don’t Ask Us Or We’ll Say No
Single moms are bad at asking for help initially. It’s a skill we need to learn in order to survive. So rather than us beg you to help or become a part of the solution, just dive in and be there for us. We don’t want you to be the dad. At least not unless you’re a stepdad. We don’t want you to solve our problems. We just want you to be here and be proactive. Pull your weight. Don’t make us ask for you to help out or join in. We like a partner with ideas and drive. Add your two cents and be willing to get sweaty and dirty. Help us before we have to ask you, please.
READ ALSO: 5 Top Tips for Dating After Divorce
6. Vulnerability…It Sort Of Sucks
Yeah. Being vulnerable and offering my heart and time to someone is scary. Like, “Friday the 13th” scary. I know I’m showing my age here with the movie reference but let’s just say: Laura doesn’t do horror movies. Ever.
Getting close to you makes me nervous as it does for many of us single moms who have grown independent and strong through life’s trials. Be patient if we withdraw. When we come full circle, you will have the most love and loyalty from us.
7. Yes, We’re Strong But That Doesn’t Mean We Want To Die Alone
Feminist or not, I like when a man fixes stuff. Maybe other single moms don’t, but the point is, as strong as we are, we still want and have plenty of space for love in our lives. Don’t be scared of us. Be excited. We are fun, powerful and magnetic.
Expect to be amazed.
If you want a girl you can easily find one, but we are one-in a million and 100% “woman” all the way. The one thing a single mom is always, no matter our sexual orientation, class, race or religion, is a one-in-a-million kind of woman.
About the Author
Laura Lifshitz is a Freelance Writer, Content Creator, Comedienne, & Obsessive Chocoholic