By Nicole Amaturo
Complacency is the death of all your dreams. Most people would rather settle for a life that they know than risk it to go after a life they truly want. Comfortable is safe. The unknown creates fear. Fear keeps you stuck. I stayed married about 5 years longer than I wanted to because it was safe. I knew what to expect every day even if it wasn’t what I actually wanted. I stayed at work as a teacher before pursuing my coaching business about a year too long out of fear of the unknown. I had a steady paycheck, a pension, and benefits. It was safe. Take a minute right now to ask yourself what you would do and where you would be if there was no such thing as fear.
The answer is who you were truly meant to be. This is where your life was meant to go. Anything done out of fear is not authentic to yourself and your true purpose. Life is meant to be lived and explored. It wasn’t meant for you to sit on your couch day in and day out. It wasn’t meant for you to scroll through social media comparing yourself to everyone and wishing you were doing what they’re doing. It wasn’t meant to wait and wait. You have one life to live in your exact shoes and live out your true desire and purpose. Are you truly living it? Like the famous line in the movie Braveheart states, “Every man dies but not every man truly lives.”
If I would have stayed married out of fear, I would never be experiencing the beautiful love and life I have today. I was petrified of being alone. I didn’t trust myself to be independent. I was scared nobody else would ever love me again. I was scared I’d never be able to afford it. I was scared my kids would be messed up for life. I was living life in fear. So, instead of Facing Everything And Rising and filing for divorce, I decided to Forget Everything And Run for a few years.
Each day, I went to work, came home, cooked, and went straight to bed as early as possible to not have to deal with my fears. To not deal with the nudge from my soul because I was too scared to do anything about it. I was drained, frustrated, and exhausted. This is your first sign you’re living in fear. When you are living out your purpose, you feel excited and alive. Sure there are days when you may want to crawl in a hole and hide; I mean we are human after all. But, the majority of the time you have a zest for life. You have butterflies dancing in your stomach instead of acid eating away at the lining.
You are choosing your life day in and day out. By not dealing, you are actually still choosing. By waiting, you are making a choice.
Settling means that you believe you can’t actually have what you want. This is why so many people wait until there is someone else to actually walk away from their marriage. They see that someone else is actually interested in them and begin to believe they can have what they want. This is often the catalyst for change in their life. Women often come to me saying they are unhappy in their marriage and have met someone else. They are scared to leave their marriage. I always ask them if the person they are seeing walks away, will they still leave their partner. I instantly hear the hesitation and fear in their voice.
Having someone else there is a temporary band-aid to disguise all of your fears of leaving in the first place. Having someone else takes away the fear of being alone. Of never being loved again. These are two of the biggest fears that cause women to settle in their marriage. They say, “I know what I have but I don’t know what I’m gonna get.” So, once they see what they can get, they’re ready to jump ship. Ask yourself if someone else walked into your life and swept you off of your feet, would you leave? If a genie came and told you that your life would all work out and you’d live happily ever after, would you leave? This is your truth. This is what you really want but fear is running your show.
Work is another big area in which so many people settle, wait, and dread their days. They choose not to go after what they truly want because they’re scared it won’t work out. But, what if it will? And what if you never get to experience the joy and freedom of living out your passion because you were too scared to risk your safety net? You are choosing your life day in and day out. By not choosing and not dealing, you are actually still choosing. By waiting, you are making a choice.
Like Dr. Seuss so famously called this crossroad in life, The Waiting Place. “Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a yes or no or waiting for your hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.” The Waiting Place is secure. It’s safe. It’s the easiest way to live but the most stagnant and unfulfilling. You have a choice at any moment to change the direction of your sails. To fulfill your heart’s desires and live out your passion. “And will you succeed? Yes you will indeed! 98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.” (Can you tell I was once an English teacher?)
If you’d like to learn more, get support, and begin to conquer your fears, come hang out with me and join my Facebook community, Manifest Love through Self-Love.
Nicole Amaturo is a Personal Growth & Love Coach who helps women all over the world manifest love, heal after divorce, and step into their power. Nicole holds a B.A. in Education and Psychology, as well as an M.A. in Holistic Health from Georgian Court University. Nicole is a divorced mom of three on a mission to share her lessons in self-love and worth that she implemented herself in order to attract her dream love and life she has today. She is a certified Infinite Possibilities trainer by best-selling author, Mike Dooley, in his program on The Art of Living Your Dreams. Nicole is also a graduate of Gabrielle Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass. Writing is Nicole’s second love and is an active contributor to the Worthy blog. You can learn more about Nicole here. Nicole invites you to become a part of her facebook community, Manifest Love through Self-Love.