By Nicole Amaturo
Love. It’s paradoxical. We want it so bad but then when we get it, we’re scared of it and don’t know what to do with it. We yearn for a perfect partner but we often fail to become the perfect partner to ourSelves first, which leaves us empty and unfulfilled. So, we file for a divorce or break-up and continue the pattern in another relationship. We look for others to complete us instead of completing ourSelves. This reminds me of the famous line in the movie Jerry Maguire, when Renee Zellweger states, “You complete Me” in her I’ve been broken in love so many times voice. My goal after my divorce was to not have anyone complete me. It was to learn how to complete mySelf.
When we walk around looking for others to make us happy and fill our voids, we become unfulfilled and attached. We become attached to the idea of love and having a partner for what they can do for us to make us happy, rather than genuinely loving our partners. Instead we love them for what they can offer us, or for how they love us. When we look for others to complete us, we suffocate our partners in an unhealthy attachment. We want them to make us feel pretty. Make us feel worthy. Make us feel significant. Entertain us. Provide for us. Make us happy. All this ends up doing is eventually making us miserable. One day though, we realize that in order for authentic happiness to take place, it must first begin within. This is what I call a F.L.Y. Girl. A First Love YourSelf Girl.
A F.L.Y. Girl is a girl who is set out on a journey to love herself first and foremost. She knows she will always have herSelf so she wants to truly love and like herSelf before anyone else can. She aims to take back her power and become her own best friend. She’s not looking to play victim and she understands that life happens for her rather than to her. In this, she releases any blame and resentment knowing it’ll only hurt her in the end. She has faith in a higher power and is connected to herSelf. She knows she attracts what she is and not what she wants, therefore she continually works on her mindset and ridding of false stories she once told herSelf. She owns her own worth and stops at nothing to become her best Self. When she does this, her perfect partner unexpectedly walks into her life and they create whole love. A love in which two complete people come together to consciously love genuinely without attachment. This is not to say these are two perfect people, but they are instead two people willing to see the relationship as a mirror for themselves and continue to grow and evolve together. Intimately and vulnerably. Allowing themselves and the relationship to grow and expand with no guarantees because ultimately each other’s happiness is at the forefront of the relationship.
How to Start Becoming a F.L.Y. Girl Today:
Become An Energetic Match for Your Perfect Match
We are energy. Our thoughts are energy. Everything is energy. Each day, we emit a vibrational frequency out into the Universe and the Universe delivers our reality based on that frequency. It’s important to begin raising your vibration to attract the kind of love you desire. You can start by smudging with sage, cleansing your aura with an epsom salt bath, connecting with yourSelf through meditation or prayer, spending time in nature and experimenting with some essential oils. Also, focusing on gratitude, allowing forgiveness, being present, having fun and spreading joy will instantly raise your vibe.
Release the Past to Welcome in Love
Realizing that life is happening for you rather than to you is key. Release the victim mentality and instead begin noticing the blessings in all adversities. Relationships are soul contracts that we make prior to human form. We make these contracts to allow us to get the lessons we need in order for our souls to grow and evolve. When we realize that the ones we are having the most trouble forgiving were only fulfilling their soul contract for us, we set ourselves free. We take back our power and release the pain from the past, which ultimately allows us to energetically create space for the love we are truly looking to create.
Uncover Love Blocks & Become the CEO of Your Life
Begin to get back in the driver’s seat by connecting again with your inner little lady. She is the one running your life with her false set of beliefs that were created in childhood. Understand the negative messages you received as a child and begin healing her with love and compassion. Replace her fears with love.
Unleash Your Authentic Self
Saying good-bye to family imprints and roles that you were automatically put in frees you. We all have created relationships that mirror similarities from how we felt as children. We often create what we saw growing up based on beliefs passed down to us unconsciously about love, men, money, aging, success, and everything in between. It’s time to to release these beliefs that no longer serve you and shift your mindset to unleash who you truly are underneath all the crap.
Love YourSelf & Own your Own Worth
Our self-worth was instilled at a young age. We then created our lives based on the undercurrent of what our self-worth was. Not feeling worthy comes from a place of not feeling good enough. When we don’t feel enough, we end up repelling any good that tries to come our way. Begin loving yourSelf unconditionally. Have compassion for all parts of you and accept who you are knowing it’s absolutely perfect because that is how you were made and who you were supposed to be. Begin meeting your own needs before you expect another to. Learn what makes you feel loved and begin giving that love to yourSelf today.
Step Into Your Feminine Energy
In order to create a whole love, you must first be open to receive in all ways. Step into your feminine energy and allow help. Pamper yourself with a mani, pedi, or massage. Start to allow yourSelf to be vulnerable enough to say how you feel and risk not looking perfect. Break down those walls that once protected you, but are now only blocking you. Feel your emotions without judgment. Be available. Be approachable. Speak from a heart-centered place. You don’t have to pretend to be Miss Independent anymore.
If you’d like to begin working on becoming a F.L.Y. GIRL, come join my 6-week group coaching program, F.L.Y. GIRL ACADEMY. Enrollment begins mid February. Learn more here!
About the Author
Nicole Amaturo is a Mindset Coach who helps women all over the world uncover and heal blocks inhibiting them from attracting the love they desire and deserve. Nicole holds a B.A. in Education and Psychology, as well as an M.A. in Holistic Health from Georgian Court University. Nicole is a divorced mom of three on a mission to share her lessons in self-love and worth as the founder of The Free Life with Nicole Amaturo. She is a certified Infinite Possibilities trainer by best-selling author, Mike Dooley, in his program on The Art of Living Your Dreams. Nicole is also a graduate of Gabrielle Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass. Writing is Nicole’s second love and is an active contributor to the Worthy blog. Learn more about Nicole here.