By Laura Lifshitz
Healing from a broken marriage requires time, love and patience — to a different degree for each individual. How much time, love and patience you’ll need with yourself to heal really depends on a few things, like:
How positive your outlook is
How your mental health is to start, before the divorce process, as mental health issues may play into your healing
How strong your support network is
How self-aware you are of your own role in your marriage’s demise, whether it was picking a bad abusive partner, making bad choices on your end, or a mix of things
How committed you are to having a better life after divorce
How much change you need to make to finalize the divorce (housing, money, etc.)
No matter whether the cards are stacked for you or against you though, you can move on and heal from your broken marriage. It may seem hard to put the past behind you, but you have to. You have to leave it where it belongs…in the past. It can’t be changed, reversed or altered, so accepting what is and trying to decide what will be next is vital to your happiness. Your future is bright and your glass is always half-full!
Here are 8 signs you’ve healed past your broken marriage:
You Want Someone In Your Life Without Fear He/She Will Be A Repeat
You’re not sitting around fearful that the next person will just be like your “insert bad word” ex spouse. Sure, you may be afraid to be vulnerable and get hurt, but the fear is not so paralyzing that you’re going to A: self-sabotage something with a great new partner or B: run from any commitment. You know you could get hurt and you’re scared, but not so scared that you’re about to stay home alone every Saturday night to protect yourself from getting hurt.
You Don’t Care What Your Ex Does At All
Unless it has to do with your kids, you don’t care about your ex. You don’t care if he goes streaking with his new partner. You don’t care if this person badmouths you (just not in front of the kids!). You don’t care what your former partner does as long as your kids are safe.
You Believe That Your Future Is Better Without Your Spouse & Don’t Regret Your Choice
If you believe that life will be better off without your former partner, you’re healing. If you know that in the long run, you’ll be happier divorced, you’re already doing well just with that one positive thought!
Believing that things will turn out well and that you ended a relationship that was due to be over, are both positive healing thoughts to have.
You Rarely Mourn The Past
Sure, every now and then you remember the “good old days” when they actually were the good old days, but you don’t have a movie reel in your head of old memories going on and on every single day. You have moments remembering the good and feeling a bit sad, but they pass over you and you let them go. That’s normal—to remember the past and feel a bit sad…but to let those thoughts linger are unhealthy.
As long as you are actively making choices to better yourself, you are already headed in the right direction.
You See The Past Clearly—Not With Rose-Colored Glasses
Instead of viewing everything through a nostalgic lens, you see your former marriage for the good, bad and ugly. You can now look back and see all those nasty little red flags that were popping out at you that you didn’t see before. Instead of looking back at your marriage through tears and heartache, you see it with an objective (mostly) journalist’s view of how things really were.
Your Chest, Head & Hurt Doesn’t Constantly Ache
The pains of stress and sadness are gone, for the most part. You’re not walking around with your doom and gloom cloud anymore. You may feel sad or stressed sometimes, but you have more good days than bad days. You are no longer dominated by the bad feelings.
You Want & Are Letting Go
If you are actively letting go of the past or trying to, you’re already doing the right thing in your healing process. Give yourself a hug and a high-five for working hard towards a better life!
You Aren’t Coping With Unhealthy Vices
Drugs, drinking, excessive sex, shopping, emotional eating, self-harming…whatever bad habit you can think of…a person who is healing is not participating in these types of behaviors. A person who is healing copes with healthy choices, like: therapy, exercise, seeing friends, walking, yoga, hobbies, etc.
A sure sign that someone is healing is someone who makes good choices to further his or her happiness!
Healing is different for everyone, but as long as you are actively making choices to better yourself, you are already headed in the right direction.
About the Author
Laura Lifshitz is a pint-sized, battery-operated writer, comedienne, single mother and chocolate fanatic. A former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate, you can find her work in many places, like the New York Times, DivorceForce, Mom.Me, Women’s Health, Worthy, Working Mother and numerous other sites. Follow her on Facebook and her own website, frommtvtomommy.com.