By Nicole Amaturo
I recently turned 40! I thought it would hit me harder than it did but the truth is I feel younger and more alive today than I did 10 years ago. I was divorced at the age of 35 and went through a huge transformational journey. I had a few heartbreaks and learned many lessons that have forever changed and shaped who I am today and I really like the woman I’ve become! So, turning 40 was a true celebration for all that I have become. Today, I share with you 40 lessons that helped me get where I am today after my divorce.
1. Relationships Are Often Mirrors
We attract experiences that validate how we already feel within. Ask yourself how your past relationship was a mirror for what you had already going on inside of you.
2. Our Inner Child Is Our Pathway to Healing
We are creating our outside world with the thoughts and beliefs we formed as a little girl. Divorce can be a journey getting to know what your inner little girl truly needs from you and begin healing her.
3. We All Have Soul Contracts
We have contracts with other souls to get the lessons our souls need to evolve. Your ex-husband was a soul contract. What lesson were you meant to grow from?
4. The Universe Supports Us
Things don’t happen to us but instead for us. We are not victims. Your divorce has somehow happened FOR you, as mine happened FOR me. The Universe will always provide for you when you can get in alignment with this blind faith.
5. The Universe Always Responds With a “Yes”
The Universe sends us exactly what we say, believe, and feel. In creating my life after divorce, this was key to manifesting my dream life! Begin carefully paying attention to your thoughts and beliefs.
6. Forgiveness Heals
By forgiving someone else, we are actually freeing ourselves. Anger does not serve us. Holding onto blame and resentment for your ex only hurts you. Bless and release.
7. It’s Possible to Be Alone Without Being Lonely
Alone doesn’t have to equate to being lonely after divorce. When you connect to yourself and something greater, you’ll never feel lonely again.
8. We Are Energetic Beings
We are made up of vibration and energy. Like attracts like of that same vibration. In order to create the life of our dreams after divorce, we must become a vibrational match for them.
9. How Others React Has Everything to Do With Them
The way others internalize things has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. How you react to your ex-husband is only a reflection of your triggers. Look into what is being triggered within you, heal it within, and you’ll never suffer again.
10. We Are in Charge of Our Own Suffering
We keep ourselves suffering in pain. We have the power to free ourselves at any time. We can choose to be right or happy.
11. Release Judgment
No more “shoulding” all over. We are exactly who we were meant to be. Let go of who you thought you should have been before divorce and remember you did the best you could with what you had and knew.
12. We Are Where We Are Supposed to Be
At every moment, we are exactly where we need to be for our soul’s purpose. If it should have been, it would have been. No use replaying the past.
13. Be Present
Live in the NOW. Noticing all the beauty and love that surrounds us creates more of it. When you feel yourself panicking about the unknown after divorce, return back to the present moment and you’ll see everything is just fine.
14. Say No to The Things That Don’t Serve Us
Saying No to someone or something else means saying YES to ourselves. Creating boundaries allows you to step into your power.
15. As We Grow, We May Lose People
As we begin to heal and evolve, the people that can’t keep up may shed away and that’s ok. If we allow it, the Universe will replace them with bigger and better.
16. Making Ourselves a Priority is NOT Selfish
Before anyone can put us first, we must put ourselves first. This is self-love. How much did you make yourself a priority before you were divorced? In order to get different results this time around, we must do different things.
17. Practice Gratitude
Being grateful for anything and everything creates more to be grateful for. Find 5-10 things to be grateful for in each day and focus on them, rather than wishing our troubles away.
18. Celebrate Everything
Pleasure creates more pleasure. Celebrating keeps us high vibe. Don’t discount the small stuff. Celebrate all steps, big and small. You have to make yourself a big deal before someone else can when dating post-divorce.
19. Have Fun & Be Happy Now
The key to creating happiness is having fun where we are now no matter where that is. It is not about waiting for everything to fall into place before we can be happy.
It is not about waiting for everything to fall into place before we can be happy.
20. Do Things That Are Scary
Our growth lies beyond our fears. The more something scares us to do, the more we should be doing it. Create experiences and begin truly living life.
21. Movement Creates Momentum
Staying stagnant leaves no room for growth and change. When we begin taking small steps towards our dreams, doors open up and the Universe provides for us. We must go first though.
22. Be Happy For Others
When we can be happy for others, it means that we believe we can have the same. Hearing about dreams coming true for others wouldn’t shake us unless we felt we weren’t going to accomplish our own dreams.
Always maintain the connection to ourselves and quiet the mind. Being still allows us to hear our own intuition. After divorce, this was one of my best tools in keeping my sanity.
24. We Can Be Alone Without Being Lonely
We will take ourselves everywhere we go. Spending time getting to know ourselves is priceless. Dating yourself after divorce creates an opening to feel filled up. In feeling filled up, there is no room for loneliness.
25. Love is Fun
Working on our love beliefs helps create a new reality in love this next time around. Love doesn’t have to be hard, like we experienced before divorce. Start to become curious with what you truly believe about love.
26. We Are Limitless
The only limits we have are the ones that we put on ourselves. We are powerful beings capable of creating all of our dreams. Where are you telling yourself something isn’t possible? Instead, ask yourself “what if” it were possible?
27. Awareness is Healing
Once we become aware, we can begin to change. We instantly take our power back the moment we become aware of what has been getting in our way the whole time.
28. Be Open To Receive
We don’t always have to be Miss Independent. Allowing help, compliments, and love creates more good stuff to come our way. Stepping into feminine energy and out of our single mom, “I can do it all”, energy creates miracles.
29. Everything We Want Is Already Here
The energy for everything we want is already out there. It is our job to become a high enough vibration to step into that energy to make it our physical reality & experience it.
Where are you telling yourself something isn’t possible? Instead, ask yourself “what if” it were possible?
30. Hustle Less
Killing ourselves doesn’t equal success. Having more fun actually allows success to flows TO us instead of us having to chase after it.
31. It’s Not Our Job to Worry About the “How”
The Universe knows way better for how things can come to us than we do. Let go of “how” it is all going to work out after divorce and just have faith that it has no choice but to.
32. It’s Never Too Late to Get What We Want
The time is going to pass anyway. The time is NOW to go after what we want and receive them. Begin creating your happily ever after. You’d be surprised what you accomplish when you actually expect to accomplish it.
33. Self-Love Heals All
The way we heal is through loving ourselves. Self-love isn’t always pretty. We must feel to heal. We must be compassionate with ourselves and our imperfect journey after divorce as we are not yet where we want to be but also no longer where we used to be.
34. I am Worthy
We are Ferraris in a world of Chevys. We are worthy of all of our heart’s desires. Beginning to see ourselves as extraordinary allows others to treat us as such. If we were going to settle for less than we wanted or deserved, we should’ve just stayed married.
35. Just In Our Desire For It Means it Was Meant For Us
We were given desires to show us what is that we were meant for. Our dreams were meant to be achieved. The desire for love again means that it was indeed meant for us. I am living proof of this!
36. Our Stories Don’t Have to Always Be Our Stories
Just because it was one way for however many years doesn’t mean it has to be this way forever. We can let go of our past stories that defined us at any moment and begin creating our new stories.
37. Keep Showing Up
The more we show up for ourselves, the more people and opportunities show up for us. There may be “prove it” moments from the Universe that may discourage us, but don’t! Prove it. Prove how bad you want the thing you say you wanted & keep showing up!
38. The Answers Always Lie Within Ourselves
We know what’s best for ourselves always. What would we do if there was no fear? This is the thing that is meant for our highest good always!
39. Divorce Isn’t the End of the World
Divorce is a new beginning to heal and create the life and love you truly deserve and desire. Shifting your perspective is everything!
40. This Sh*t Works
Everything on this list is magic! It will change your life! Divorce will be the very thing you end up being grateful for because you’ll see how it got you to your wildest dreams.
Cheers to 40!!!
About the Author
Nicole Amaturo is a Personal Growth & Love Coach who helps women all over the world manifest love, heal after divorce, and step into their power. Nicole holds a B.A. in Education and Psychology, as well as an M.A. in Holistic Health from Georgian Court University. Nicole is a divorced mom of four on a mission to share her lessons in self-love and worth that she implemented herself in order to attract her dream love and life she has today. She is a certified Infinite Possibilities trainer by best-selling author, Mike Dooley, in his program on The Art of Living Your Dreams. Nicole is also a graduate of Gabrielle Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass. Writing is Nicole’s second love and is an active contributor to the Worthy blog. You can learn more about Nicole here. Nicole invites you to become a part of her facebook community, Manifest Love through Self-Love.